Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

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neufer
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Mon Sep 09, 2013 8:46 pm

Click to play embedded YouTube video.
BMAONE23 wrote:
Beyond wrote:
A NESTING FALCON.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by wonderboy » Wed Sep 25, 2013 5:09 pm

I've been waiting to watch a science documentary on TV for ages regarding the ins and outs of constipation... Its not came out yet!!!!
"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark" Muhammad Ali, faster than the speed of light?

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Wed Sep 25, 2013 7:50 pm

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by wonderboy » Fri Sep 27, 2013 1:55 pm

How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
"I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark" Muhammad Ali, faster than the speed of light?

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The ghost of Adele's Gödel

Post by neufer » Fri Sep 27, 2013 3:36 pm

wonderboy wrote:
How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_G%C3%B6del#Later_years_and_death wrote:
<<In 1951, Kurt Friedrich Gödel (April 28, 1906 – January 14, 1978) demonstrated the existence of paradoxical solutions to Albert Einstein's field equations in general relativity. He gave this elaboration to Einstein as a present for his 70th birthday. These "rotating universes" would allow time travel and caused Einstein to have doubts about his own theory. His solutions are known as the Gödel metric.

During his many years at the Institute, Gödel's interests turned to philosophy and physics. He studied and admired the works of Gottfried Leibniz, but came to believe that a hostile conspiracy had caused some of Leibniz's works to be suppressed. To a lesser extent he studied Immanuel Kant and Edmund Husserl. In the early 1970s, Gödel circulated among his friends an elaboration of Leibniz's version of Anselm of Canterbury's ontological proof of God's existence. This is now known as Gödel's ontological proof.

In later life, Gödel suffered periods of mental instability and illness. He had an obsessive fear of being poisoned; he would eat only food that his wife, Adele, prepared for him. Late in 1977, Adele was hospitalized for six months and could no longer prepare Gödel's food. In her absence, he refused to eat, eventually starving to death. He weighed 65 pounds (approximately 30 kg) when he died. His death certificate reported that he died of "malnutrition and inanition caused by personality disturbance" in Princeton Hospital on January 14, 1978.>>
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by bystander » Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:16 pm

Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be
alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by geckzilla » Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:21 pm

Hah, I didn't notice that little "emergency button" in the corner that opens up a fake, semi-automatically generated academic paper with some overly complicated wording until this comic. :lol2:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Sun Oct 20, 2013 5:06 am

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:17 am

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Sun Oct 20, 2013 6:28 am

But I love some of the jokes that have been posted recently! The ins and outs of constipation, ooops! :lol2: The physicists changing a light bulb by rotating the universe! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

And poor Gödel. Tell me, is he the Gödel of the fantastic illustrated impossible "architecture"? No, that's Escher. Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. :oops: If he really tried to prove, mathematically, the existence of God, then I guess I suspect he was a few nails short of a full tool kit. Poor guy, he starved to death because he feared being poisoned.

And poor Henrietta the Hen, who has to buy eggs from the grocer so she won't end up as Sunday chicken roast!

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by wonderboy » Sun Oct 20, 2013 10:46 am

Hubble has provided us with images of wonderous beauty throughout its decades of use. some of the most beautiful images are of colliding galaxies, smashing together in the vastness of space. The New York times has printed that with the increased resolution of the James Webb Space Telescope, we will be able to view these catastrophic galaxy collisions in such detail, that we will even be able to see the lawyers rushing to the scene!
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Nitpicker » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:31 am

Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?
She worked it out with a pencil.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:08 pm

Nitpicker wrote:
Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?
She worked it out with a pencil.
One still requires paper.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by wonderboy » Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:17 pm

Lecturer: Using your Standard Chart, someone tell me the distance between Betelgeuse and Procyon!

Sarcastic Student: About an inch and a half Professor
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:11 pm

Nitpicker wrote:Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?
She worked it out with a pencil.
In northern Sweden in the 18th and even 19th century, they used sticks. A son could inherit his father's favorite utensil.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:44 pm

Click to play embedded YouTube video.
Ann wrote:
Nitpicker wrote:
Heard the one about the constipated theoretical physicist?
She worked it out with a pencil.
In northern Sweden in the 18th and even 19th century,
they used sticks.

A son could inherit his father's favorite utensil.
What did the daughters inherit :?:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by owlice » Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:52 pm

neufer wrote: What did the daughters inherit :?:
The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:30 pm

owlice wrote:
neufer wrote: What did the daughters inherit :?:
The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.
And the appreciation of having a good antiseptic in the home :!:
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:37 pm

neufer wrote:Neufer's video
IF i were the kid, I'd chuck that little assinine gold watch :!: :yes:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sun Oct 20, 2013 3:51 pm

owlice wrote:
neufer wrote:
What did the daughters inherit :?:
The wisdom of including fiber in one's diet.
It was clearly a rough age.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by rstevenson » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:53 pm

Ann wrote:... Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. ...
I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.

Rob

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by rstevenson » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:56 pm

The first part of this is copied from a friend's FaceBook post, originator unknown. I added the second part. ...

Physics, n. - The branch of science concerned with using extremely long and complicated formulas to describe how a ball rolls.

Astrophysics, n. - The same, but with bigger balls.

Rob

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Chris Peterson » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:00 pm

rstevenson wrote:I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.
Actually, it should get lighter as you add books. Information is a form of energy, which manifests as mass. And a book has less information than the random bits present before you load the book.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by owlice » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:06 pm

rstevenson wrote:
Ann wrote:... Guess I mix them up because I have a book titled Gödel, Escher, Bach, which I haven't read. ...
I bought that book when it was new, which seems like a century ago. It was a good read the first time through. Then the second time I realized how much I'd missed the first time. Then I loaned it to a friend and haven't seen it since, so I never did give it a third try. Maybe I'll pick it up and put it in my iPad. It doesn't matter how many books I put in it - it doesn't get any heavier.

Rob
I haven't read it, either, though it's in the house; the kid read it in 8th grade, when he had to do a project for music class. (Hey, it had Bach in the title... :) ) He ended up doing the project on Beethoven, but was glad to have read GEB.

Ah, I should read it, too. Maybe I'll get it for the Kindle (because I have no idea where the physical book is now; it used to live on the bathroom bookshelves); I'm due for a new book anyway (because Emma surely doesn't count, does it, since I've read it before?). Especially since this will make the Kindle lighter; woo-hoo!! :lol2:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by owlice » Sun Oct 20, 2013 8:15 pm

Not available for the Kindle! :shock:
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