Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BDanielMayfield » Sat Nov 17, 2012 11:17 pm

Having just endured the PUNishment of having spent the last 2+ hours reading this entire thread (owlice should have assigned it for my recent infraction :) ) I report my favorite to be BMAONE23’s Governmentium post way back on page one. There are many others that are good too, and some of the bad ones are so bad that they’re good, so any cheaters who have jumped ahead to the end of the thread shouldn’t feel that reading the entire morass isn’t worth the time. :lol2:

I love science, but also being a deeply re..(OOPHS, talking about that is FROUND UPON, IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT)..ous person, back when the confirmation of the existence of the Higg’s boson was all over the news earlier this year I had become mildly offended by all the talk of “The God Particle.” I wondered if this cheesy expression (and book title) shouldn’t be distasteful to both atheist and believer alike. I was told that it’s commonly observed that whenever famous astronomers or physicists give a public talk there are always so called “mystics” in attendance, so I raised the concern about the potential rise of particle worshiping Higg’s Bosonites. :wink:

Has anyone observed any signs of Bosonite-ism spreading across the planet? Oh my ___! What if they plan on assembling together on the day the Mayan calendar ends, and the Higg’s bosons, getting all puffed up from all the worship, decide to attend. Since the mass of each Higg’s boson is 126 times the mass of a proton, and since each boson is its own anti-particle… :shock:
Just as zero is not equal to infinity, everything coming from nothing is illogical.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Moonlady » Thu Nov 22, 2012 8:50 am

While a plane is crashing, a woman gets up, opens her blouse and screams: 'Who let me feel like a real woman once again?'
Suddenly a man stands up, takes his t-shirt off and shouts: 'Here, wash it!"


That was bad, Moonlady! :facepalm:

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Thu Nov 22, 2012 10:04 am

Moonlady wrote:While a plane is crashing, a woman gets up, opens her blouse and screams: 'Who let me feel like a real woman once again?'
Suddenly a man stands up, takes his t-shirt off and shouts: 'Here, wash it!"


That was bad, Moonlady! :facepalm:
Reminds me of a poem I once wrote which went something like this:

Unknown man to unknown woman: Will you do me for a couple of bucks?

Unknown woman to unknown man: Not for money, but if you clean up and wash up.

Unknown man to the universe: Women are unreasonable....

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Sat Nov 24, 2012 2:06 pm

A man goes to the doctor
The Doctor says "Sir, you are going to have to stop touching yourself so much"
The man asks "Why?"
the Doctor replies..."So I can examine you!"

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Moonlady » Sat Nov 24, 2012 8:35 pm

Newton's law (credit vips)
Newton's law (credit vips)

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Doum » Sun Nov 25, 2012 2:53 am

Was he a genius or what? :mrgreen: :wink:

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Doum » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:49 pm

Doum wrote:Was he a genius or what? :mrgreen: :wink:
Did i make an astronomicaly bad joke (or good) ? :?

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Fri Dec 07, 2012 12:40 am

Doum wrote:
Doum wrote:Was he a genius or what? :mrgreen: :wink:
Did i make an astronomicaly bad joke (or good) ? :?
YES
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:18 pm

When you convert too much energy to matter; the scales say...GET OFF ME!!
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Mon Dec 24, 2012 10:21 pm

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus
What is the worst part about reading a book about Anti Gravity?
It is impossible to put down.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Moonlady » Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:47 pm

Hello, my name is Moonlady and I am from an ancient spaceship called the Moon! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

You dont believe me? Watch this:
Click to play embedded YouTube video.
As much as it is not scientific, I think it makes a good bedtime fairy tale for kids because its training the creativity :ssmile:

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Mon Jan 07, 2013 11:47 pm

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: :yes:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Moonlady » Tue Jan 08, 2013 2:59 pm

Video is self explanatory
Click to play embedded YouTube video.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:02 am

I love the Moon Spaceship presentation, Moonlady! :lol2: :lol2: :lol2: I wonder where the entrance to the ship is, though. Well, there was an APOD just the other day showing an "egg" in the Tycho crater. I guess that egg has something to do with the Moon being a ship - perhaps Mom laid an egg before she had time to get inside again! :shock:

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Wed Jan 09, 2013 1:14 am

UH-OH!!
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Wed Jan 09, 2013 8:26 pm

!hcou … raB a otni sklaw cixelsyD A

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Wed Jan 09, 2013 9:14 pm

BMAONE23 wrote:
!hcou … raB a otni sklaw cixelsyD A
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/J%27uoch wrote:
<<J'uoch was the twin sister of R'all and leader of a criminal mining outfit located on the planet Dellalt. The camp was overrun by the reactivated Guardian Corps from Xim the Despot. She had Lanni Troujow killed in an attempt to find a data disk which contained information regarding the whereabouts of the treasure ship Queen of Ranroon. In her search for the data disk she and her band of outlaws stole the Millennium Falcon from Han Solo on Dellalt. In 2 BBY she was pushed from a bridge on Dellalt while fighting with Hasti Troujow.>>
Art Neuendorffer

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Wed Jan 09, 2013 10:08 pm

BMAONE23 wrote:!hcou … raB a otni sklaw cixelsyD A
Oh... now i got it. When the dyslexic walked into the bar, it spun him around, and disoreintated him enough, to where he said ouch! wrongly and backwards, so it came out !hcou.
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:02 am

neufer wrote:
http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/J%27uoch wrote:
<<J'uoch was the twin sister of R'all and leader of a criminal mining outfit located on the planet Dellalt. The camp was overrun by the reactivated Guardian Corps from Xim the Despot. She had Lanni Troujow killed in an attempt to find a data disk which contained information regarding the whereabouts of the treasure ship Queen of Ranroon. In her search for the data disk she and her band of outlaws stole the Millennium Falcon from Han Solo on Dellalt. In 2 BBY she was pushed from a bridge on Dellalt while fighting with Hasti Troujow.>>
http://wookieepedia.org/ wrote:Hroaorouaoaao rauuoiraau woaoaaraaoauuh rouaohvaoaaaa wuaauowaao ruoayaaarruu. Whoaoowuaooaroaaa wuoooorrouoauaw naauua rruoavaoo naooaorroua noooo! Nwuoaowwoauanauaaa ruuaaon haaaoawaaaau royauruaiu wauaiugoouoa wouaouwaaaooa vaaauanoyouo, rruaou nauio royoayraoiu hooioyuavaooau, huaoou wooawuoaaa rraaaaawoaur moaau mou, ruoauoaamauaa voauooahuaua wuooao rouooavrraauaao nooaonouoa rriuouooruuua. Rraauou wuuiuoauvooa raaiahuoaaoo hoaouarwauuua maaooraauauu raoouo. Wwuoao wuuaarauouoo wraaaooaorauo raanauoau vaaroaauui ruuuaua! Rrryaoaoroaoawauau roaonauooa rruaaao huouurroauuo waoaa vauwoaa, haauuuhuuooooa nuoauoou vaaua nauaohuuoao rauaaaor!

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Thu Jan 10, 2013 1:08 am

BMAONE23 wrote:What is the worst part about reading a book about Anti Gravity?
You would not believe it, but they actually hope for antigravity at CERN
http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/01/06/freezing-antimatter-could-allow-scientists-to-study-it/ wrote:“We want anti-hydrogen atoms as cold as possible in our trap, and by cold I mean not moving. In particular, to measure the gravitational properties, antihydrogen in our trap is still moving way too fast. So this paper has shown that the technique called laser cooling can be applied in our experimental set-up,” ... “Nobody has ever seen antimatter falling down,” Mr. Fujiwara said.

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No one has seen Auntie Mame falling down.

Post by neufer » Thu Jan 10, 2013 4:18 pm

Click to play embedded YouTube video.
makc wrote:
You would not believe it,
but they actually hope for antigravity at CERN
http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/01/06/freezing-antimatter-could-allow-scientists-to-study-it/ wrote:
“We want anti-hydrogen atoms as cold as possible in our trap, and by cold I mean not moving. In particular, to measure the gravitational properties, antihydrogen in our trap is still moving way too fast. So this paper has shown that the technique called laser cooling can be applied in our experimental set-up,”

Nobody has ever seen antimatter falling down,
Mr. Fujiwara said.
If antimatter were to fall up then Hawking radiation would literally go berserk :!:
http://arxiv.org/ftp/gr-qc/papers/0612/0612088.pdf wrote:
Black Holes and Gravitational Properties of Antimatter
Dragan Slavkov Hajdukovic
PH Division CERN
CH-1211 Geneva 23
dragan.hajdukovic@cern.ch

<<The gravitational properties of antimatter are still a secret of nature. One outstanding possibility is that there is a gravitational repulsion between matter and antimatter (in short we call it antigravity). We argue that in the case of antigravity the collapse of a black hole doesn't end with singularity and that deep inside the horizon, the gravitational field may be sufficiently strong to create (from the vacuum) neutrino-antineutrino pairs of all flavours. The created antineutrinos should be violently ejected outside the horizon of a black hole composed from matter. Our rudimentary calculations suggest that both, the supermassive black hole in the centre of our Galaxy and in the centre of the Andromeda Galaxy may produce a flux of antineutrinos measurable with the new generation of one cubic kilometre neutrino telescopes. In addition, we suggest two signatures of antigravity in the case of microscopic black holes which may be eventually produced at CERN: the decay products should exhibit a strong matter-antimatter asymmetry and the Hawking radiation should not be the main mechanism for decay.

Without recourse to any quantitative estimation, it is immediately clear that non-thermal radiation caused by antigravity must dominate Hawking's radiation. In fact, the pair production of the most massive particle-antiparticle pairs is happening deep inside the horizon while Hawking radiation comes from the close vicinity of the Schwarzschild radius. Thus, if the decay of (eventually produced) mini black holes is dominated by non-thermal radiation, it should be considered as a signature of antigravity. . So, non-thermal radiation corresponds to shorter wavelengths (i.e. higher frequencies, energies and masses).>>
Art (definitely not no one) Neuendorffer

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Moonlady » Thu Feb 14, 2013 8:11 am

Current Pope resigned, Vatican needs a new Pope. I vote for him:
Attachments
Vote for the next Pope...Beanus I ! (credit vips)
Vote for the next Pope...Beanus I ! (credit vips)

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Thu Feb 14, 2013 12:57 pm

:lol2: :thumb_up: :yes:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Sat Feb 23, 2013 9:23 pm

I think I posted this before, but
Click to play embedded YouTube video.
Meet agent Sagan.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by bystander » Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:01 am

Image

Solving the problems of the Universe!
I'm doing my part. How about you?
Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be
alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk.
— Garrison Keillor

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