Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

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BMAONE23
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Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:52 pm

Keep it clean though

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:55 pm

Did you hear about the Pshchiatrist who invented the thirteen step process to cure Triskaidekaphobia?
:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :roll:

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Thu Mar 04, 2010 9:18 pm

At one point they sawed Lao Zi in half. And there were two of Lao Zi.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by The Code » Thu Mar 04, 2010 11:38 pm

If There is such a thing as reincarnation, Knowing my luck I will come back as myself.
Always trying to find the answers

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:42 pm

A string walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here" and throws him out.

Thinking, the string tousels his hair, tucks his head under his arm, and goes back in to order his drink.

The bartender says "Hey... aren't you that string I threw out a couple f minutes ago?"

To which the string replys
"No, I'm a frayed knot"

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Fri Mar 05, 2010 10:53 pm

A Russian arrives in New York
City as a new immigrant to the United States . He stops the
first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American
for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free
medical care, and a free education!"



The passerby says, "You are mistaken, I am
a Mexican."



The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for
having such a beautiful country here in America ."



The person says, "I not American, I am
Vietnamese."



The new arrival walks farther, and the
next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for
wonderful America !



That person puts up his hand and says, "I
am from Middle East . I am not
American."



He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are
you an American?"



She says, "No, I am
from Africa ."



Puzzled, he asks her, "Where
are all the Americans?"



The African lady checks her watch and
says, "Probably at work."

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Sun Mar 07, 2010 11:52 am

ha ha :) ^^ that's probably as close to racist joke as it can get without getting a warning.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sun Mar 07, 2010 2:29 pm

makc wrote:ha ha :) ^^ that's probably as close to racist joke as it can get without getting a warning.
Klaatu barada nikto!
Art Neuendorffer

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Orca » Sun Mar 07, 2010 2:37 pm

So a neutrino is sitting at the bar, drinking heavily.

"Another wiskey!" shouts the neutrino.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" asks the bar keep.

"Nah, they just go right through me!"




ba dum tss

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sun Mar 07, 2010 5:06 pm

A neutrino is sitting at the bar?

That is just so wrong in so many ways!!! :wink:
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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Orca » Sun Mar 07, 2010 5:58 pm

neufer wrote:A neutrino is sitting at the bar?

That is just so wrong in so many ways!!! :wink:
That and he's ordering whiskey. OY VEY

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:04 pm

neufer wrote:Klaatu barada nikto
I bet this was one-time password.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by bystander » Sun Mar 07, 2010 6:12 pm

makc wrote:ha ha :) ^^ that's probably as close to racist joke as it can get without getting a warning.
Actually, I think that was a warning.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:52 am

bystander wrote:Actually, I think that was a warning.
See what you did - now noone posts anything.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Orca » Sat Mar 13, 2010 6:00 pm

makc wrote:
bystander wrote:Actually, I think that was a warning.
See what you did - now noone posts anything.
...then there's the one about the three-legged dog that went into the saloon and shouted, "who's the dirty rat that shot my Pa?"

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:07 pm

Mike walks into the bar and says to Charlie the Bar Tender,
"Pour Me a stiff one - I just had another fight with the Little Woman."
"Oh Yeah?" said Charlie, "And How did this one end"
"When it was over," replied Mike, "She came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really" said Charlie, "That's a switch! What did she say?"
"She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you little chichen!' "

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by owlice » Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:53 am

(heard on Prairie Home Companion)

A Bb, Db, and F walk into the bar; the bartender refuses to serve them, saying, "You know we don't serve minors here!"

The Db leaves, so the Bb and F have a fifth between 'em.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:15 am

owlice wrote:(heard on Prairie Home Companion)

A B♭, D♭, and F walk into the bar; the bartender refuses to serve them, saying, "You know we don't serve minors here!"

The D♭ leaves, so the B♭ and F have a fifth between 'em.
It's just as well D♭ clef'd that bar...he might have caught a staff infection.
Art Neuendorffer

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by rstevenson » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:27 am

Note: [ he says, taking a measured breath ] Before we beat this one to death, we might think about raising the bar just a little. We wouldn't want the conductor's of this pit speaking sharply to us.

Rob

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:53 pm

owlice wrote:(heard on Prairie Home Companion)

A Bb, Db, and F walk into the bar; the bartender refuses to serve them, saying, "You know we don't serve minors here!"

The Db leaves, so the Bb and F have a fifth between 'em.
I like this one...it has a certain melodious ring to it

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Wayne » Sat Mar 20, 2010 12:32 am

Sodium is sat at the bar by the harbour. He says to his friend "I'm sure I've lost Chlorine". His friend replies "Are you sure, old salt?" Sodium replies "I'm positive".

You never have clear skies on a moonless night as there is not enough lunar radiation to clear the clouds. In a city, street lights perform the job. Just ask anyone who's driven 100 miles to a dark site, set up his telescope and waited.

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Sat Mar 20, 2010 5:28 am

“Governmentium” To be added to the Periodic Table Of Elements

Scientific breakthrough! Researchers have identified a new element: GOVERNMENTIUM – which should be added to the Periodic Table of the Elements sometime within the next few months. The following was extracted directly from a press release regarding the recent discovery of the element “Governmentium”:

“Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.”

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:17 pm

BMAONE23 wrote:Governmentium has no electrons...
Governmentium holds electrons every two years resulting in its short half-life.
BMAONE23 wrote:Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
I thought that most isotopes of Governmentium decayed into Lobbyiestum.
Art Neuendorffer

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Sat Mar 20, 2010 2:39 pm

neufer wrote:
BMAONE23 wrote:Governmentium has no electrons...
Governmentium holds electrons every two years resulting in its short half-life.
BMAONE23 wrote:Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
I thought that most isotopes of Governmentium decayed into Lobbyiestum.
I believe that Lobbyiestum acually contains less Morons and has more monetary gravitational influence than the avreage Americum
(though, being a Radio isotope, Americum can be quite explosive if formed in Large Dense Groups)

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Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by makc » Sat Mar 20, 2010 3:03 pm

neufer wrote:
BMAONE23 wrote:Governmentium has no electrons...
Governmentium holds electrons every two years...
I'm pretty sure those are all virtual electrons.