Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Off topic discourse and banter encouraged.
Post Reply
User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Tue May 31, 2011 1:33 pm

As the ol' saying goes....that'ns so old, first time I heard it I's too young to laugh, so I just rolled over, 'wet' my diapers & kicked the slats out of the end of my cradle.
*LOL*
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Tue May 31, 2011 1:52 pm

Bu-u-u-ut....speakin' of earlier inspirations:

A Black Hole is a tunnel at the end of the light. *Ba bump bump*

A neutrino walks into a bar . . . and keeps right on going. *Bump tssssh*

And entropy? ........ just ain't what it used to be.
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Tue May 31, 2011 8:52 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

User avatar
owlice
Guardian of the Codes
Posts: 8406
Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 4:18 pm
Location: Washington, DC

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by owlice » Tue May 31, 2011 9:40 pm

A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.

User avatar
BMAONE23
Commentator Model 1.23
Posts: 4076
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:55 pm
Location: California

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Tue May 31, 2011 9:42 pm

owlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.
Well...=Deep

User avatar
bystander
Apathetic Retiree
Posts: 21571
Joined: Mon Aug 28, 2006 2:06 pm
Location: Oklahoma

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by bystander » Tue May 31, 2011 10:19 pm

owlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possessor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the aforementioned ruminant would select the same pathway.
Click to play embedded YouTube video.
Know the quiet place within your heart and touch the rainbow of possibility; be
alive to the gentle breeze of communication, and please stop being such a jerk.
— Garrison Keillor

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:35 am

owlice wrote:A female of the species homo sapiens was the possesor of a small immature ruminant of the genus ovis, the outer most covering of which
reflected all wavelengths of visible light with a luminosity equal to that mass of naturally occurring microscopically crystalline water. Regardless of the translational pathway chosen by the homo sapien, the probability was 1 that the forementioned ruminent would select the same pathway.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgmyVLheqkQ&feature=fvst[/youtube]
:mrgreen:
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
emc
Equine Locutionist
Posts: 1307
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:15 pm
AKA: Bear
Location: Ed’s World
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by emc » Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:05 pm

Astronomy is over my head.
Ed
Casting Art to the Net
Sometimes the best path is a new one.

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Wed Jun 01, 2011 8:57 pm

And you strain your brain so much trying to comprehend all those Astronomical terms, that you see stars.
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

User avatar
emc
Equine Locutionist
Posts: 1307
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:15 pm
AKA: Bear
Location: Ed’s World
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by emc » Wed Jun 01, 2011 9:36 pm

Actually the astronomical terms are great fun at times. Like, (not to toot my own horn) excuse me but I need to experience diurnal. You see, insanity helps… helps that is in processing the astronomically complex realm of the astrophysicist with the brain of a common horse or cat. All is in fun… it is hoped that fun is in all.
Ed
Casting Art to the Net
Sometimes the best path is a new one.

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Fri Jun 03, 2011 2:16 pm

An astronomer goes on an expedition to Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, but he's captured by cannibals. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him.

The tribesman answers, "Prisoners... killed...day after catch 'em ... when sun reach highest in sky, so can cook ready serve for evening meal".

"Great", the astronomer thinks. "Perfect timing!"

The tribesman continues, "But ... everybody excited ... so we wait ... cook you after eclipse."
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
emc
Equine Locutionist
Posts: 1307
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2007 12:15 pm
AKA: Bear
Location: Ed’s World
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by emc » Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:28 pm

I wonder if they know about National Donut Day?
Ed
Casting Art to the Net
Sometimes the best path is a new one.

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Fri Jun 03, 2011 6:17 pm

i donut know about that but......I heard there was these two cannibals eatin' a guy they caught, & one, enjoying a leg, looked over at the other'n & asked "How's your leg?", & the other'n replied, "Oh it's great - I'm havin' a ball!"
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
BMAONE23
Commentator Model 1.23
Posts: 4076
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:55 pm
Location: California

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:08 pm

In the Health news pages:
"The man who fell into the upholstery machine is now fully recovered."

User avatar
Ann
4725 Å
Posts: 13369
Joined: Sat May 29, 2010 5:33 am

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Ann » Sat Jul 23, 2011 3:32 pm

My favorite cannibals-eating-Scandinavians joke goes like this:

A group of cannibals had captured a Dane, a Swede and a Finn. They filled their big cauldron with water and put the Dane in it and left him to simmer there for an hour. After an hour they took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibals wanted. So they took the Swede and put him in the cauldron and left him to simmer for two hours. They then took him out of the cauldron and proceeded to eat him, but he was nowhere near as tender as the cannibnals wanted. So they took the Finn and put him in their big cauldron and left him to simmer for four hours.

After four hours the Finn emerged out of the broth he had been simmering in and said (with a thick Finnish accent):

"Where's my towel?"

Explanation, assuming one is needed: The Finns are famous for spending hours stark naked in their inhumanly hot saunas and emerging from them, wrapped in a towel, as if nothing had happened.

Image

Finns in a sauna.
Click to play embedded YouTube video.
Finnish biker lady named Ann-uh. She is apparently not quite sure how her name is spelled. Watch the video and you'll learn how to count to ten in Finnish as a bonus.

Ann
Color Commentator

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:50 am

or,
"Jaywalkin' in Sturgis" ??
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:55 am

It occurs to me that things that have no mass really don't matter.

~[Star*Hopper's Guide to Befuddled Musings]
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
Star*Hopper
Science Officer
Posts: 195
Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:50 pm
Location: Down East
Contact:

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Star*Hopper » Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:15 pm

Plasma? That's another matter.
"Perhaps I'll never touch a star, but at least let me reach." ~J Faircloth

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:27 pm

It just doesn't matter to me. I just don't have the energy.
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

User avatar
BMAONE23
Commentator Model 1.23
Posts: 4076
Joined: Wed Feb 23, 2005 6:55 pm
Location: California

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by BMAONE23 » Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:14 pm

what did the fish say as he bumped his head on a concrete wall while swimming along?























Dam

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Thu Sep 22, 2011 12:59 am

BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific :!: :lol:
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

User avatar
neufer
Vacationer at Tralfamadore
Posts: 18805
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 1:57 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Thu Sep 22, 2011 1:11 am

Beyond wrote:
BMAONE23, That's a-hell-of-a-big-post for a three lettered one-word punch line.Terrific :!: :lol:
What does BMAONE23 need to learn to use?
The spoiler button!
Art Neuendorffer

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:03 am

But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that developes when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey :mrgreen:
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

User avatar
neufer
Vacationer at Tralfamadore
Posts: 18805
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2008 1:57 pm
Location: Alexandria, Virginia

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by neufer » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:23 am

Beyond wrote:
But Art, the spoiler button eliminates the anticipation that develops when taking the l-o-n-g scrolling journey :mrgreen:
At least nobody will go snow blind or get carpal tunnel on the journey.
Art Neuendorffer

User avatar
Beyond
500 Gigaderps
Posts: 6889
Joined: Tue Aug 04, 2009 11:09 am
Location: BEYONDER LAND

Re: Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

Post by Beyond » Thu Sep 22, 2011 2:26 am

Ok, here's the 'shorter', picture version of BMAONE23's joke--->Dam :fish:
To find the Truth, you must go Beyond.

Post Reply