Astronomically Bad Jokes (Or good)

[Moonlady]

credit (vip)

[Beyond]

"Scotty" died last decade. He can't beam anyone up anymore. Sniff-sniff

[neufer]

"Scotty" died last decade. He can't beam anyone up anymore. Sniff-sniff

• They had enough trouble beaming Scotty up:

<<James Montgomery "Jimmy" Doohan (March 3, 1920 – July 20, 2005) was a Canadian character and voice actor best known for his role as Montgomery "Scotty" Scott in the television and film series Star Trek. Scotty's operation of the Enterprise transporter system inspired the catchphrase "Beam me up, Scotty", which gained currency in popular culture beyond Star Trek fans, even though the exact phrase is never spoken in any live action episode or film in that exact way. In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Kirk says, "Scotty, beam me up."

Many fans told Doohan over the years that it was he who inspired them to choose engineering as a profession. Astronaut Neil Armstrong, an engineer before he participated in NASA's Apollo program, personally told Doohan on stage at Doohan's last public appearance, "From one old engineer to another, thanks, mate."

Doohan suffered from Parkinson's disease, diabetes mellitus, and pulmonary fibrosis in later life. In 2004 he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. On July 20, 2005, at 5:30 in the morning, Doohan died at his home in Redmond, Washington. His ashes, 1/4 ounce (7 grams), were scheduled the following fall for a Memorial Flight to space with 100 others, including Mercury astronaut Gordon Cooper. Launch on the SpaceLoft XL rocket was delayed to April 28, 2007, when the rocket briefly entered outer space in a four-minute suborbital flight before parachuting to earth, as planned, with the ashes still inside. The ashes were subsequently launched on a Falcon 1 rocket, on August 3, 2008, into what was intended to be a low Earth orbit, however the rocket failed two minutes after launch. The rest of his ashes were scattered over Puget Sound in Washington. On May 22, 2012, a small urn containing some of Doohan's remains in ash form was flown into space aboard the Falcon 9 rocket as part of COTS Demo Flight 2.>>

[Beyond]

I see what you mean. It just ain't easy getting off this planet, but at least 'part' of him made it.

[geckzilla]

Hrrmmm

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[Beyond]

ha-ha, i know what you mean Sometimes i think the little buggers are in more than 4-dimensions.

[neufer]

Hrrmmm

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Technically, such USB (non?) Standard plugs are spinors
(i.e., square roots of vectors) in 3 dimensional space.

<<In mathematics and physics, in particular in the theory of the orthogonal groups (such as the rotation or the Lorentz groups), a spinor is an element of a complex vector space. Unlike spatial vectors, spinors only transform "up to a sign" under the full orthogonal group. This means that a 360 degree rotation transforms the numeric coordinates of a spinor into their negatives, and so it takes a rotation of 720 degrees to re-obtain the original values. Spinors are like vectors and tensors in that their definition includes their transformation properties, although unlike tensors, the space of spinors cannot be built up in a unique and natural way from spatial vectors. Spinors in general were discovered by Élie Cartan in 1913. Later, spinors were adopted by quantum mechanics in order to study the properties of the intrinsic angular momentum of the electron and other fermions. Today spinors enjoy a wide range of physics applications. Classically, spinors in three dimensions are used to describe the spin of the non-relativistic electron and other spin-½ particles.>>

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

[Beyond]

A peanut sat on the railroad tracks,
His heart was all a flutter.
A train came roaring down the tracks,
Toot-toot, peanut butter.

[neufer]

Click to play embedded YouTube video.

A peanut sat on the railroad tracks,
His heart was all a flutter.
A train came roaring down the tracks,
Toot-toot, peanut butter.

[Beyond]

ha-ha, i got that from my mother, who used to say it about 60 years ago, if not earlier.

[Moonlady]

I can't watch the Perseids because it is overcast and raining and it will remain like this next nights,
but I can watch other nights meteor showers, right?!

[Beyond]

OUCH

[geckzilla]

Some of these had me cracking up.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/the-35-b ... -was-real/

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[Ann]

Moonlady, thanks for your funny posts! I'm a bit late to the party, but I've got to thank you for your "teleporting" joke, especially!

(And your "shaking your head to see meteors" joke ain't bad, either...)

Ann

[Ann]

Geckzilla, really - don't you know that the Sun really is pretty massive, as stars go? Most stars in the Milky Way are definitely punier than good old Sol!

Ann

[Beyond]

The National Anthem has dance steps (( ))

[BMAONE23]

You could earn 10,000 Swiss Francs just by rewriting their national anthem
http://98fm.com/2013/onair/category-sho ... al-anthem/
Just don't drink the punchline

[Beyond]

Just don't drink the punchline

Somehow i didn't notice a "punchline" on either one. But I'm not going back to listen again. Once was enough

[BMAONE23]

Just don't drink the punchline

Somehow i didn't notice a "punchline" on either one. But I'm not going back to listen again. Once was enough

Someone musta drank it

[Beyond]

The Blind Cashier


A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's
birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes
over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades. ****


She says to him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod
and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel
and 10-lb. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale
this week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit
card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally passes gas.

At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way
the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't
know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod
and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
$11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

She paid it and left without saying a word.

[BMAONE23]

When questioned about its role in the case of the missing Mob Boss, The Cement Truck replied
"The only evidence I have to offer is no more concrete"

[Beyond]

Why, that missing evidence is concrete proof of an Astronomically Bad Joke (Or good). Congratulations, BMAONE23.

[Beyond]

A NESTING FALCON.

[BMAONE23]

A NESTING FALCON.

Don't be standing near the nest when that bird decides to go
(It is a good thing that Cows don't fly)

[makc]

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